Those who know me know that I try very hard to be funny, upbeat, and generally in a good mood. Those closest to me know that, behind this, is a complex structure of coping mechanisms. Depression, rage, fear, all are also parts of me.
Those people closest to me struggle with similar demons. Many of them are blessed and cursed with the ability to understand the larger patterns, to see the story. It is a dance along the cliff between sanity and insanity, and it takes phenomenally strong people to dance this line without falling off.
It has been said that ignorance is bliss. On the inverse, knowledge is power. Both have their dangers. Is one a sheep, to be led willingly to slaughter, or is one a wolf, to be hunted by the fearful?
Neither. One is human, and to ignore the responsibility that comes with that is to sacrifice our one and only valuable birthright; sentience.
So, the only way I stay sane is through learning, logic, and force of will. And the occasional joke.
This has been an interesting week in the Aaronverse. I think the highlight has been the two hour span last night, where I got to spend a white picket fence style two hour session with my oldest helping with homework. Sure, it was over the phone, crossing two time zones, three states, and discussing math that I either never learned, did not remember learning, or did not pay attention to when I was learning it (and so, had to relearn it). And it was followed by playing a pseudo version of Cards against Humanity online, but it was still bonding at a level that I missed a lot of being a divorced father.
My legs, my left leg specifically, has a build up of fibrous tissue that is painful but I have to wait for the it to heal naturally. Loos like a weird alien has latched on to my leg.
My right hand has gone to sleep, probably due to MS. This is really not good and it is already causing problems with my typing.
Winter also decided to show up to Indiana right at the tail end of February, bringing with it blizzard level snowfall and chilly temperatures, though, not exactly at the same time. Seven inches of snow on the ground outside as I write this, and the temperature is a balmy 271 degrees Kelvin outside (28 degrees Fahrenheit or -2 Celsius for you scientifically lazy peeps), even though it was colder earlier in the week.
We have seen the passing of one of my personal heroes this week, Leonard Nimoy. To honor him, I watched the first five Star Trek movies. The funeral scene in Wrath of Khan made me cry, as did several of the other scenes related to death. I told my oldest that he was one of my heroes, and I realized he was. His views on life, both in and out of character, helped me through some dark times in my life. I mourn his passing.
I have already seen people speaking of him in Heaven, and some dismissing him as an atheist. From all of the information I can gather, he was a lifelong Jew. So, yes, he may be in Heaven, but he is not hanging out with Saint Peter. Sorry to dash your hopes of playing pinochle with him. To be honest, I don’t know if that was a game he liked or not. I could see him enjoying many different types of games. Maybe that is my own projection.
I’m sorry that it has been a long time since my last update. My heath has been an issue; I got a pretty severe head cold, and, with Multiple Sclerosis, it makes everything more complex. When the fever one is running makes it hard to move or think straight, blogging sometimes takes a hit. Thankfully, I survived it, although our finances have taken a hit, with my lovely wife having also been sick and having to take some time off. So, to cover some of my ongoing medical expenses, I have had to resort to a Gofundme fundraiser. Links are to the right.
Yesterday, I woke up and my right hand had gone all pins and needles. It is a new symptom, a departure from the slow decline of my left side, and something quite worrisome. It will probably take me some time to get used to the way my right hand feels now. My typing has slowed, and I am considering teaching myself touch typing with the new condition to improve my speed. Coding will be difficult, but I have too many projects to be slowed down by something silly like a disability.